And this one goes with what I just posted...
An Afternoon at the Improv - Dani

Oh, shit.

When I agreed to this lunch, I'd come up with a list of don'ts - don't blatantly ask Avi if he's straight; don't pressure him into anything, don't jump the gun.

And now I'd violated all three of those in one statement.

I sat there, across the table from Avi, waiting to see just how quickly he'd tell me to fuck off. And just how eloquently.

But he surprised me.

"OK," he said, looking me directly in the eye, "here's the truth. You didn't read me wrong, but you did."

If he called that the truth, we were in for a very short liaison. I opened my mouth to ask him to explain, but he raised his hand to stop me.

"Here's what I mean," he continued. "Yes, I am beginning to explore what I'm really looking for, and it's looking more and more like what I'm looking for is a relationship with a man rather than with a woman. But, and this is the key, I have no experience with this, and I have no idea what, if anything, you might expect from me. And I don't want to be pressured or cajoled or wheedled into anything before I am ready. So if you're prepared for that, then fine – let's see where this goes. But if you're not ready to go at my speed, let's forget this conversation ever happened and just see if we can be friends."

Avi was blushing a deep red and he was back to staring at the table instead of looking at me. And I had no idea how to respond. Everything that came to mind sounded so clichéd. I wanted to tell him that I wouldn't rush him, that he could set the pace, that all I wanted was for him to be comfortable. But Avi had no reason to believe me, so I didn't want to just be spouting pretty words that he'd dismiss.

I could feel Avi's discomfort, though, and I was not at all happy that I'd caused most of it. I had to fix this, and fast, before this relationship was the shortest on record.

"Avi," I said softly. "Hey, look at me. It's all right."

Avi looked up slightly but still wouldn't meet my eyes.

"I don't expect anything other than friendship. Honestly." And I was surprised to find that, despite my lust, I really meant it. If all Avi and I ended up as was friends, that would be fine.

Avi opened his mouth, but nothing came out.

"That doesn't mean that I won't be thrilled if this builds to something more, but I'm not going to rush you."

Avi finally spoke. "Are you absolutely sure?"

"I can't promise I won't accidentally move too fast for you, but I will definitely slow down the minute you say so. Trust me, Avi. Pressuring you isn't on my agenda."

"That's good to hear," Avi responded. "Though the thought that you have an agenda is a bit frightening."

"I didn't mean it that way," I said. "I just meant that, well, I like you. A lot. And I'd like to see where this goes, if anywhere. So pressuring you would be counter-productive."

Avi smiled shyly at me. And I realized that if he kept looking at me that way, I was going to have a real problem with the "slow, no pressure" thing. But I controlled myself. Dudu would be proud.

"So where does that leave us?" Avi asked.

"I don't see that anything has to change," I said. "We can go for coffee, meet for the occasional meal, maybe do the occasional movie, walking tour, concert – things friends do together. And then see what happens. No rushing, no pressure, just us following our own path. Is that OK?"

"I think I can live with that," Avi said.

We sat silently for a couple of minutes, and then I finally looked at my watch. "Oh, shit. I've got to go; I'm meeting with my boss at 2:30 and I am completely unprepared." I grabbed my backpack off the floor as I stood up.

Avi stood as well, and we headed back out to the street. "Well," Avi said once we were outside. "Thanks again for meeting me for lunch." He blushed. "And thanks for what you said in there. I really am interested; I just don't know what I'm doing."

"That's OK," I said. "We'll figure this out as we go along."

Avi reached out with his right hand, as if to shake mine.

"Hmm," I said with a smile, holding his outstretched hand loosely, "is there something in your universe between a handshake and a hug? 'Cause I think we've moved beyond one but not quite to the other."

Avi half-smiled at me. "I'm really not sure," he said.

"Eh," I said, "we'll improvise." I tugged lightly on the hand I was holding and Avi walked a couple paces toward me. I put my arm around his shoulders and squeezed lightly.

"Improvisation," Avi said. "I can live with that."

After a final squeeze, I let Avi go. If I stayed any longer, I was going to completely miss my meeting. We walked together to the corner of Washington Street, where we had to go in opposite directions.

"Have a good rest of the day, Avi. I'll call you tonight and find out how it went."

"I look forward to it," he responded.

With a final smile at each other, I headed left toward the T while Avi headed back toward the courthouse. Already I was planning our next get-together. It had to be somewhere public, so Avi wasn't spooked, but cozy, where we could talk.

Eh, I could always improvise.